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welcome
I'm Amy. I'm growing up. And this is my past, present, and future.
I know you'll come in the night like a thief.
But I’ve had some time alone to hone my lying technique.
I know you think that I’m someone you can trust.
But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear I’ll try to nail you back up.
So do you think that we could work out a psalm?
So I’ll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try.
I know you'll come for the people like me.
But we all got wood and nails,
And talk dirt at hating factories.
profile
My name is Amy. I'm a Gemini. I'm 25 years old. I'm a struggling artist, and an overly opinionated martyr of my beliefs. My past experiences, no matter how petty or dramatic they were, molded me into who I am today. I'm still changing every day.
I'm an artist. I love to draw and make things in photoshop [such as this blogger layout]. I also love music; I dabble in piano a little bit. I only know how to play other songs, of course. Nothing original. I like to write as well. Pretty much anything that involves the arts is something I enjoy doing. It gets me through the day and gives me a chance to express myself.
I have many friends who have come and gone, some who are even enemies now. Regardless, they've taught me a lot. I've learned to be more humble, tolerant, and kind, but also I've learned things like never to trust anyone completely off the bat, and to usually expect the worst. I'm generally pretty pessimistic and I think irrationally, but that's a nasty habit I'm trying to break. My intentions are good. That's something I must always remind myself and everyone else of. I have anxiety but I'm learning to control it better every day. This time a year ago it was impossible for me to socialize, but nowadays it's easier. Time mends everything.
I'm not really good at these self-describing things anymore. If you want to know me, ask me yourself. :3
Saturday, October 1, 2022, 9:37 PM
stupid
I cheated on Daniel, because I am stupid. I did it with Nick of all people. It's almost been a month since I've seen Daniel and I miss him. I miss him so much. I'm living alone in the house we were in together and it's weird. I don't know if I'm going to be able to afford living alone, but I'm going to try. If my savings start to deplete too much, then I'm going to have to figure something else out. I don't know if Daniel and I are right for each other, but I know what I did was wrong and I should have agreed to couples therapy when he suggested it. I have never been more disappointed in myself, especially since I did this 10 years ago and it affected me so deeply I told myself I would never do it again. Yet, here I am, having done it again. Daniel didn't deserve this, and I feel like garbage. Our 7 year anniversary would have been this month. I feel like that makes it worse. I don't know if I miss him because I really want him back, or just because I have only spent 3 months of my life single in the past 14 years. I know that's something that will take me longer than a few weeks to navigate. I have never felt so alone, though. The silence in this house is so loud. Evenings and nights are the hardest. Nothing feels right and life feels pointless. I don't know why I always do this to myself. I can't keep talking about this right now. Goodnight.
