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I'm Amy. I'm growing up. And this is my past, present, and future.
I know you'll come in the night like a thief.
But I’ve had some time alone to hone my lying technique.
I know you think that I’m someone you can trust.
But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear I’ll try to nail you back up.
So do you think that we could work out a psalm?
So I’ll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try.
I know you'll come for the people like me.
But we all got wood and nails,
And talk dirt at hating factories.
profile
My name is Amy. I'm a Gemini. I'm 25 years old. I'm a struggling artist, and an overly opinionated martyr of my beliefs. My past experiences, no matter how petty or dramatic they were, molded me into who I am today. I'm still changing every day.
I'm an artist. I love to draw and make things in photoshop [such as this blogger layout]. I also love music; I dabble in piano a little bit. I only know how to play other songs, of course. Nothing original. I like to write as well. Pretty much anything that involves the arts is something I enjoy doing. It gets me through the day and gives me a chance to express myself.
I have many friends who have come and gone, some who are even enemies now. Regardless, they've taught me a lot. I've learned to be more humble, tolerant, and kind, but also I've learned things like never to trust anyone completely off the bat, and to usually expect the worst. I'm generally pretty pessimistic and I think irrationally, but that's a nasty habit I'm trying to break. My intentions are good. That's something I must always remind myself and everyone else of. I have anxiety but I'm learning to control it better every day. This time a year ago it was impossible for me to socialize, but nowadays it's easier. Time mends everything.
I'm not really good at these self-describing things anymore. If you want to know me, ask me yourself. :3
Thursday, May 28, 2015, 6:08 PM
To my ex best friend....
The only thing you have said to me for the past several months is, "I'm at a concert. I'll talk to you later."
I think that was the point in which I was done.
I will never understand how your current lifestyle is so appealing to you that you threw away your entire life and all your friends along with it. I had a bond with you that even surpasses that of lifelong friends. There were many late nights, lots of conversations, and we were even destiny twins for awhile. There was a lot of late night driving, taking crazy chances, and trying new things. You helped me come out of my shell and be social. We taught each other a lot about ourselves. That was something I wouldn't have given up in a million years. It seemed pretty easy for you, though.
It's just hit me recently that I don't know anything about anything you have done for the past ~2 years. It's just hit me that I won't know about it for the years to come. The very few times you have associated with me since you disappeared, I noticed you changed. Not just you, but our friendship changed. There was nothing left of it. One-sided friendships don't work, and I was done being the only one who cared enough to put in effort. You sure pulled the wool over my eyes that last time you came over acting like you were actually going to try again. I made a mental note to not be so foolish in the future with others.
There was a lot you missed out on. You're probably about to miss out on my 21st birthday, too. It's really a shame, because I was looking forward to it for so long. You probably won't even remember my birthday. I honestly hope you don't. When I see your name in my phone, it just makes me sad or angry. Right now, it's sad. I'm sure I didn't miss out on much. You don't seem to do much. I couldn't do much either if I couldn't see light either, though, from being so far up my boyfriend's ass. Sorry, sorry, that's the only bitterness I will exert in this unsent letter to you.
I don't get much free time anymore, and you have a surplus of it. That's probably why you never had an excuse or a reason. I'm not complaining, I can give you that I would rather that than a lame excuse. You deserve half a kudos for being honest with me. Your honesty was the only reason I dragged this on for so long. However, every person has their limit. I hit mine a long time ago, I just cared too much to acknowledge that. That sucks on your part. You won't ever have a friend that cared as much as I did. Which isn't really my problem anymore, now is it? At least that's one sliver of light in this giant, dark cloud.
I cut ties with you the other day, and you didn't even dignify it with a response. Maybe I was too harsh, or maybe you can't get MMS messages. If it's the latter, then I'll just cut ties with you again. I don't think that even if you came back today, I would believe you or try to. You've caused me too much pain and sadness. You've caused me to question myself. None of that is healthy for me and I don't deserve to feel that way... that's what I need to keep telling myself, at least. Congratulations, you have further lessened my faith in humanity and discouraged me even further from trying to make friends. The way I see it is, with the flawless friendship we had, if you don't want that then who will? Hopefully someone.
Have a great life.
