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welcome
I'm Amy. I'm growing up. And this is my past, present, and future.
I know you'll come in the night like a thief.
But I’ve had some time alone to hone my lying technique.
I know you think that I’m someone you can trust.
But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear I’ll try to nail you back up.
So do you think that we could work out a psalm?
So I’ll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try.
I know you'll come for the people like me.
But we all got wood and nails,
And talk dirt at hating factories.
profile
My name is Amy. I'm a Gemini. I'm 25 years old. I'm a struggling artist, and an overly opinionated martyr of my beliefs. My past experiences, no matter how petty or dramatic they were, molded me into who I am today. I'm still changing every day.
I'm an artist. I love to draw and make things in photoshop [such as this blogger layout]. I also love music; I dabble in piano a little bit. I only know how to play other songs, of course. Nothing original. I like to write as well. Pretty much anything that involves the arts is something I enjoy doing. It gets me through the day and gives me a chance to express myself.
I have many friends who have come and gone, some who are even enemies now. Regardless, they've taught me a lot. I've learned to be more humble, tolerant, and kind, but also I've learned things like never to trust anyone completely off the bat, and to usually expect the worst. I'm generally pretty pessimistic and I think irrationally, but that's a nasty habit I'm trying to break. My intentions are good. That's something I must always remind myself and everyone else of. I have anxiety but I'm learning to control it better every day. This time a year ago it was impossible for me to socialize, but nowadays it's easier. Time mends everything.
I'm not really good at these self-describing things anymore. If you want to know me, ask me yourself. :3
Saturday, May 11, 2013, 7:59 PM
Life has never been more confusing.
That which kills me, I love.
That which I need, I don't.
For awhile I was strong, but recently I've snapped. It's hard to love someone who doesn't love you back and be with them for 6 months. And now it's over. Whether it's over forever or not, I'm not sure, but it feels like it.
I gave it my all, but none of it was enough. This is karma's way of showing me what I've done, what I've made others feel. I've never felt so empty and incomplete. I think about it when I sleep, when I wake up, when I shower, when I drive.. I can't escape it. The beautiful memories haunt me like a sinister, dark cloud. Everything was perfect, and in the blink of an eye it was gone. Sometimes I wonder if I took him for granted. Sometimes I wonder if there was something I could have done to fix it. He told me, "you're just going to keep getting hurt." I wonder what that means. Is he going to disappear like you did a year ago? Were all my efforts in vain? It hurts so much, it penetrates deep into my heart and soul. It just doesn't feel right.
I could have helped you. Together, we would be so strong that no one could ever break us. We're the same, yet we're so different. You have a hard time feeling what I feel. I guess after all is said and done, that isn't healthy for either of us, no matter how good we are together. Unfortunately.. that is how it must be. I'm hanging on to the slim chance that we might get another chance. Deep in my mind, I feel like that will never be so. All the questions I have will remain unanswered, and all the words I have will remain unsaid. I'm having a hard time coming to terms with it. One day it will actually hit me, and then I will know what to do even less than I do now... and I'm really not sure what to do right now.
Sometimes I forget when I'm high. Then I remember he never appreciated me getting high. I almost quit because of him. I would have done it. Now I'm back where I used to be, before I met him. It's almost like the last 6 months of my life were a total waste... but, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
but I would trade anything to have him back
