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welcome
I'm Amy. I'm growing up. And this is my past, present, and future.
I know you'll come in the night like a thief.
But I’ve had some time alone to hone my lying technique.
I know you think that I’m someone you can trust.
But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear I’ll try to nail you back up.
So do you think that we could work out a psalm?
So I’ll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try.
I know you'll come for the people like me.
But we all got wood and nails,
And talk dirt at hating factories.
profile
My name is Amy. I'm a Gemini. I'm 25 years old. I'm a struggling artist, and an overly opinionated martyr of my beliefs. My past experiences, no matter how petty or dramatic they were, molded me into who I am today. I'm still changing every day.
I'm an artist. I love to draw and make things in photoshop [such as this blogger layout]. I also love music; I dabble in piano a little bit. I only know how to play other songs, of course. Nothing original. I like to write as well. Pretty much anything that involves the arts is something I enjoy doing. It gets me through the day and gives me a chance to express myself.
I have many friends who have come and gone, some who are even enemies now. Regardless, they've taught me a lot. I've learned to be more humble, tolerant, and kind, but also I've learned things like never to trust anyone completely off the bat, and to usually expect the worst. I'm generally pretty pessimistic and I think irrationally, but that's a nasty habit I'm trying to break. My intentions are good. That's something I must always remind myself and everyone else of. I have anxiety but I'm learning to control it better every day. This time a year ago it was impossible for me to socialize, but nowadays it's easier. Time mends everything.
I'm not really good at these self-describing things anymore. If you want to know me, ask me yourself. :3
Tuesday, February 12, 2013, 11:47 AM
Depression hurts
Yesterday, someone who used to be important to me gave me some less than constructive criticism. "You have such a negative opinion of yourself that you let it hold you back from achieving anything." It hurt me. It made me think.
My mind is my worst enemy. It encourages me to indulge in habits. It always pulls me towards the negative side of things and shields my eyes from seeing any positivity in anything whatsoever. You may say it's bullshit, but you don't deal with it every day. I'm scared of my peers. I'm scared of socialization. I constantly feel like I'm alone and everyone is against me even if I'm totally aware that it's not true.
For years I was trapped in a strange mindset. To this day I can't really explain what was strange about it. I wasn't at home in my own mind. I felt depressed 90% of the time and I thought all my friends were going out of their way to get away from me. I got upset if I wasn't included in things and I constantly toyed with peoples' minds to test their loyalty as a friend. I broke free of said thinking, I was mature and rational and I felt at peace with myself. I was fairly confident with who I was as a person. After a few years, however, things changed.
I find myself back in the same place I was before. I feel like a prisoner in my own mind. I feel like I'm going crazy all the time. I get upset about things I normally wouldn't get upset about. People tell me it's all in my head but then I keep going back to my crazy theory. I don't know what to do, but feeling depressed all the time is really killing me.
Seriously.
