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I'm Amy. I'm growing up. And this is my past, present, and future.
I know you'll come in the night like a thief.
But I’ve had some time alone to hone my lying technique.
I know you think that I’m someone you can trust.
But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear I’ll try to nail you back up.
So do you think that we could work out a psalm?
So I’ll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try.
I know you'll come for the people like me.
But we all got wood and nails,
And talk dirt at hating factories.
profile
My name is Amy. I'm a Gemini. I'm 25 years old. I'm a struggling artist, and an overly opinionated martyr of my beliefs. My past experiences, no matter how petty or dramatic they were, molded me into who I am today. I'm still changing every day.
I'm an artist. I love to draw and make things in photoshop [such as this blogger layout]. I also love music; I dabble in piano a little bit. I only know how to play other songs, of course. Nothing original. I like to write as well. Pretty much anything that involves the arts is something I enjoy doing. It gets me through the day and gives me a chance to express myself.
I have many friends who have come and gone, some who are even enemies now. Regardless, they've taught me a lot. I've learned to be more humble, tolerant, and kind, but also I've learned things like never to trust anyone completely off the bat, and to usually expect the worst. I'm generally pretty pessimistic and I think irrationally, but that's a nasty habit I'm trying to break. My intentions are good. That's something I must always remind myself and everyone else of. I have anxiety but I'm learning to control it better every day. This time a year ago it was impossible for me to socialize, but nowadays it's easier. Time mends everything.
I'm not really good at these self-describing things anymore. If you want to know me, ask me yourself. :3
Tuesday, September 18, 2012, 9:40 PM
This has been weighing on my chest for some time now
When I first started talking to you I didn't really think much of you. I thought you were just a pretentious ass like every other guy, but you were intelligent and intriguing so I gave you a chance which was unlike me. In your Facebook photos I thought you were a little goofy looking. However something still drove me to hang out with you. When I first saw you, I took back what I thought about you being goofy looking. You were the most handsome thing I had ever laid eyes on. Your almost black hair contrasted with your bright green eyes and dark skin. You had a smile that made me melt and your warm voice, enticing scent and gentlemanliness was enough to win me over almost immediately, and I was drawn to you. However aesthetic at first, after hanging out with you a few times I had the lingering feeling that you were going to be important in my life.
As I got to know you more, I realized how poorly people treat you. Your family, your friends, even your brother. This feeling of wanting to change that washed over me. I wanted to be close to you, and show you kindness and understanding so that maybe I could show you that there's more to the world than hatred. You acted like a dick a lot, and you hurt peoples' feelings a lot without realizing it. I assumed you only did this because of the way you have always been treated. I put up with the things you did that upset me because I wanted to try to bring some light to your life. I had never really been drawn to someone like I was to you, but I didn't want to acknowledge it so I shoved it to the back of my mind.
When I became single and the chance was there I got scared. I was afraid people would judge me and I wanted to wait awhile. Then I made the mistake of hanging out with Cody. I'm not going to go into that, though.
My feelings for you have gotten out of hand. After those long two months, seeing your azure eyes again instilled an anxiety in me that I can't seem to shake. I regret everything and I've wasted so much time. You're leaving in two months and I've done nothing but cause you drama and mess up. I'll never be able to make it up to you.
I'm sorry. As I told you, I would only realize this once it was too late.
