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I'm Amy. I'm growing up. And this is my past, present, and future.
I know you'll come in the night like a thief.
But I’ve had some time alone to hone my lying technique.
I know you think that I’m someone you can trust.
But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear I’ll try to nail you back up.
So do you think that we could work out a psalm?
So I’ll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try.
I know you'll come for the people like me.
But we all got wood and nails,
And talk dirt at hating factories.
profile
My name is Amy. I'm a Gemini. I'm 25 years old. I'm a struggling artist, and an overly opinionated martyr of my beliefs. My past experiences, no matter how petty or dramatic they were, molded me into who I am today. I'm still changing every day.
I'm an artist. I love to draw and make things in photoshop [such as this blogger layout]. I also love music; I dabble in piano a little bit. I only know how to play other songs, of course. Nothing original. I like to write as well. Pretty much anything that involves the arts is something I enjoy doing. It gets me through the day and gives me a chance to express myself.
I have many friends who have come and gone, some who are even enemies now. Regardless, they've taught me a lot. I've learned to be more humble, tolerant, and kind, but also I've learned things like never to trust anyone completely off the bat, and to usually expect the worst. I'm generally pretty pessimistic and I think irrationally, but that's a nasty habit I'm trying to break. My intentions are good. That's something I must always remind myself and everyone else of. I have anxiety but I'm learning to control it better every day. This time a year ago it was impossible for me to socialize, but nowadays it's easier. Time mends everything.
I'm not really good at these self-describing things anymore. If you want to know me, ask me yourself. :3
Monday, June 25, 2012, 12:19 PM
why?
At this time, I'm counting all the reasons I should stay. I remember not being able to stop smiling. The dying smell of peanuts and beer and weed was surrounding us. It was just that moment, there, never ending. Everyone was drunk and laughing and even though I never knew any of them, it was like I've known them forever. All of a sudden, we were alone. All of a sudden I was looking into your eyes and I barely knew you. You were drunk and high, maybe that's why you thought I meant something to you.
The green eyes that sucked me in trapped me. Helpless, I couldn't find a way out. I was momentarily content with things that way. When I thought that things would never change, I saw a hand reach out to me. Without thinking, I grabbed it, and was pulled out. As I was being dragged away, I took another look at the green eyes and saw but one emotion: lust. It was then I knew that I couldn't depend on anyone to care about me.
I found myself looking into brown eyes this time. So close to them but I wasn't being sucked in. I'm not sure what that means. The look that they gave me.... it was so captivating that I didn't want to go in. I wanted to stay out here, wondering what words were behind them, what thoughts were behind them, what dreams were behind them.... Why were they so full of passion?
or was it lust?
Slowly, I began to see the brown eyes less and less. Maybe I should have jumped in when I had the opportunity. I had never felt so loved or appreciated. Not in a very long time, anyways. and then all of a sudden, I didn't see them at all. It was just me, alone.
Now I'm missing all the things I gave away. However, it's probably best this way, because no matter what the situation, I'm just a rebound, a joke, a game; people settle for me when they know they can't get much better. You're such a fool, things between you two will never be the same again. Why is it worth throwing everyone away? Was it worth throwing me away? You barely knew me, so it probably doesn't affect you at all.
You're exactly like me. We are the same, that's something that I've never been able to find in anybody, and you're just leaving me in the dust like this. Face down and shameful. You didn't even say a word to me. Now I'm left waiting and wondering, "What went wrong?" It only lasted two weeks, but it was like a lifetime. Now that I look back on it I took it all for granted. But regardless, more than anything, I'm fucking confused. Why? why did you do this? What the fuck did I do wrong?
Will you just tell me?
