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I'm Amy. I'm growing up. And this is my past, present, and future.
I know you'll come in the night like a thief.
But I’ve had some time alone to hone my lying technique.
I know you think that I’m someone you can trust.
But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear I’ll try to nail you back up.
So do you think that we could work out a psalm?
So I’ll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try.
I know you'll come for the people like me.
But we all got wood and nails,
And talk dirt at hating factories.
profile
My name is Amy. I'm a Gemini. I'm 25 years old. I'm a struggling artist, and an overly opinionated martyr of my beliefs. My past experiences, no matter how petty or dramatic they were, molded me into who I am today. I'm still changing every day.
I'm an artist. I love to draw and make things in photoshop [such as this blogger layout]. I also love music; I dabble in piano a little bit. I only know how to play other songs, of course. Nothing original. I like to write as well. Pretty much anything that involves the arts is something I enjoy doing. It gets me through the day and gives me a chance to express myself.
I have many friends who have come and gone, some who are even enemies now. Regardless, they've taught me a lot. I've learned to be more humble, tolerant, and kind, but also I've learned things like never to trust anyone completely off the bat, and to usually expect the worst. I'm generally pretty pessimistic and I think irrationally, but that's a nasty habit I'm trying to break. My intentions are good. That's something I must always remind myself and everyone else of. I have anxiety but I'm learning to control it better every day. This time a year ago it was impossible for me to socialize, but nowadays it's easier. Time mends everything.
I'm not really good at these self-describing things anymore. If you want to know me, ask me yourself. :3
Tuesday, June 5, 2012, 1:13 AM
This shit sucks
I've changed so much since school ended. Now I know why all the graduates felt like they were on a different level of thinking than those who were still in high school so soon after they graduated. I used to criticize them but now I understand. I just turned 18 yesterday [or, technically 2 days ago since it's 3 am on Tuesday.] and I can't really believe it at all. I remember being 13 and waiting for this for so long and acting like it was so far out of reach and would never happen. Now I'm here and I'm not sure what to do next.
Boys are my biggest problem right now. I've gotten myself into such fucking deep shit because I don't know how to be straight up and hurt peoples' feelings. I don't know if I still have feelings for John or not, but we agreed a long time ago that we would never be in a relationship. However now the Navy is wanting to make him wait like another half a year so I'm in some shit here and he thinks we can pull off a relationship. He doesn't really seem to know how to show affection towards anyone or anything unless he's drunk. He's also obsessed with girls, so I don't know how or if that would work. I don't like feeling like I'm not good enough and I always feel that way when I'm around him.
Katie is going to rent a house soon, and she said if she's still living there by the time I get a car I can move in with her. YES. It will probably take a couple of years because no way in hell am I prepared to be on my own yet, but I like knowing that I have options. It's sad that Katie and I will both be on our own before Stacey. I already have a financial advantage over Stacey, I have $390 put up in the bank and all she has to her name is the money that sits in her iHop apron. Oh my goodness gracious.
There's something about John that I can't get over. He's just so suave and nice smelling and attractive and his laugh is so great and it makes me wanna huggle him all the time. His eyes are so pretty and he gives me butterflies but at the same time I feel like I'm just a game to him sometimes, or something to turn to when he's bored. I dunno.
But what I feel worst about over all of this, is that I feel like I've outgrown Bo completely.
