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I'm Amy. I'm growing up. And this is my past, present, and future.
I know you'll come in the night like a thief.
But I’ve had some time alone to hone my lying technique.
I know you think that I’m someone you can trust.
But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear I’ll try to nail you back up.
So do you think that we could work out a psalm?
So I’ll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try.
I know you'll come for the people like me.
But we all got wood and nails,
And talk dirt at hating factories.
profile
My name is Amy. I'm a Gemini. I'm 25 years old. I'm a struggling artist, and an overly opinionated martyr of my beliefs. My past experiences, no matter how petty or dramatic they were, molded me into who I am today. I'm still changing every day.
I'm an artist. I love to draw and make things in photoshop [such as this blogger layout]. I also love music; I dabble in piano a little bit. I only know how to play other songs, of course. Nothing original. I like to write as well. Pretty much anything that involves the arts is something I enjoy doing. It gets me through the day and gives me a chance to express myself.
I have many friends who have come and gone, some who are even enemies now. Regardless, they've taught me a lot. I've learned to be more humble, tolerant, and kind, but also I've learned things like never to trust anyone completely off the bat, and to usually expect the worst. I'm generally pretty pessimistic and I think irrationally, but that's a nasty habit I'm trying to break. My intentions are good. That's something I must always remind myself and everyone else of. I have anxiety but I'm learning to control it better every day. This time a year ago it was impossible for me to socialize, but nowadays it's easier. Time mends everything.
I'm not really good at these self-describing things anymore. If you want to know me, ask me yourself. :3
Wednesday, April 27, 2011, 5:25 PM
lolol
found a way to MTAC next year.
problem, kari's dad?
Sunday, April 24, 2011, 8:32 PM
I'm walking away
I knew that I would.
I want to be missed
by somebody good.
MTAC was terrible. I've never felt such bad anxiety in my life. I've never felt so down in such an up place. I've never needed a friend as badly as I did then. I've never been so intent on your face or eyes or the way you smiled at me.
Don't misunderstand me, I'm not "crushing" on you. You're just very very meaningful to me and I cherish the small amount of hours I get to see you. My hairs stand on end and I glow and I smile like a child. We get so excited and then comes the awkward sadness that is the reality that we have drifted apart. Talking to you is still such a dream and....
You drive me insane. Stop it. Come be my best friend again.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011, 6:11 PM
falling slowly
you.
you're the base at the pyramid of who I am. you gave me my brain and my knowledge, you presented me with what was logical and illogical, that I should accept others for who they are and let everyone go on their way performing as they please to. you taught me to be smart, without you I'd still be close minded and stupid and closing myself off from everyone that "misunderstood" me. you taught me to smile and appreciate a day and what I have. you taught me to read people and their emotions. you taught me to be strong and tough it out and you taught me that in the end there is always a reason to keep fighting.
you're such a pure human being, you give off a sense of lightness and wisdom and you're just like a legend. I used to love you more than I could ever love this planet. those times aren't around anymore and what I feel for you isn't romantic love anymore but youre still so dear to me. you know how to be honest and you know the ways of the ugly world and it's people and you still end up being able to make a witty comment in the end, even when faced with misery. that day in the hallway when we were just sharing each other's company was like a dream, i don't think i'll ever feel that sheer need again.
i've come to the closure that there may be a door there, i don't mind. but i'll still always wonder what if.
just wanted you to know you're my best friend.
Thursday, April 14, 2011, 8:44 PM
Thoughts that have changed
In some ways my impulses have changed but I'm still me... deep down? Or, I want to be.
People are beginning to hate me for growing up. I've become more liberal, more strict about what I believe in. I'll argue and argue to get my point across. But if I state my opinion ONCE to someone, usually they get so appalled, so offended. Then I just think, wait, you speak your opinion 24/7 and you completely shun everyone else's, so aren't you just being a plain hypocrite? I don't tell you to shut the fuck up and call you annoying just because you disagree with me.... Learn to agree to disagree.
Art is probably the one thing I miss most. It was my escape, my place. Now I never even finish a picture. I've lost a lot of my knowledge for it and have also just simply lost motivation. Maybe it's my stress. I don't even really have any reason to stress lately. Life is decent, I have money, a job [as of Mar. 11, 2011 :'3] but all I think about is my friends. I think about my past and think of ways to get the same people to like me again somehow. Maybe they don't dislike me, maybe they just don't talk to me.
I don't know.
But I care way too much. I'm seeing the world for how it really is now. I'm not a kid anymore. I'm behaving differently because of it.
I've lost every other bit of my past. My love for art. My passion for photography. My carefree bliss. My own little bubble. I just can't lose those that I once called my best friends.
I don't even remember what it's like to have one.
