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I'm Amy. I'm growing up. And this is my past, present, and future.
I know you'll come in the night like a thief.
But I’ve had some time alone to hone my lying technique.
I know you think that I’m someone you can trust.
But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear I’ll try to nail you back up.
So do you think that we could work out a psalm?
So I’ll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try.
I know you'll come for the people like me.
But we all got wood and nails,
And talk dirt at hating factories.
profile
My name is Amy. I'm a Gemini. I'm 25 years old. I'm a struggling artist, and an overly opinionated martyr of my beliefs. My past experiences, no matter how petty or dramatic they were, molded me into who I am today. I'm still changing every day.
I'm an artist. I love to draw and make things in photoshop [such as this blogger layout]. I also love music; I dabble in piano a little bit. I only know how to play other songs, of course. Nothing original. I like to write as well. Pretty much anything that involves the arts is something I enjoy doing. It gets me through the day and gives me a chance to express myself.
I have many friends who have come and gone, some who are even enemies now. Regardless, they've taught me a lot. I've learned to be more humble, tolerant, and kind, but also I've learned things like never to trust anyone completely off the bat, and to usually expect the worst. I'm generally pretty pessimistic and I think irrationally, but that's a nasty habit I'm trying to break. My intentions are good. That's something I must always remind myself and everyone else of. I have anxiety but I'm learning to control it better every day. This time a year ago it was impossible for me to socialize, but nowadays it's easier. Time mends everything.
I'm not really good at these self-describing things anymore. If you want to know me, ask me yourself. :3
Sunday, February 27, 2011, 6:12 PM
Hatred
None of my friends who were there for me in the past are really here much anymore. I never get to rant so my feelings are bottled in. I need to let them out. Perfect place to do that... blogger.
I've been waiting until I first came to concept with reality and how dysfunctional my family really is to get out of this house. I've been waiting for a safe haven, an excuse to get out. When I finally fell in love, I developed a second life. I have friends in Collierville, people enjoy my company, and they actually fucking go through with their word when they say they want to hang out. They understand me, I understand them. There's never any drama with them and they are just simple but they understand what's important. They may snort bath salt and smoke incense but they have more sense and heart than every person at Cordova combined. They're not backstabbers, they don't talk shit about everybody, they just let their enemies know they're enemies, and let their friends know they're friends. It's like a completely different world there, when I first come back from the beginning of Houston Levee coming towards the wretched and all-infamous Cordova, I feel a looming despair. I know that all I'm surrounded by is backstabbing, lying, flauging, unintelligent people. I need to be there, not here. I need to be out of here before my heart collapses. I'm fighting everything in me not to get myself expelled just so I can at least leave the school. People always ask me, "Why do you hate it so much? It's just a school." I hate it because everyone there is fake. Everyone there talks shit about their friends behind their back, everyone there judges everybody by beauty and opinion. No one can agree to disagree, like they can in Collierville. I've never argued with my friends there. But I argue almost every day with someone at Cordova about SOMEthing. Everyone there is on fucking crack I swear to god. They're all low life scum and I hate the majority of them. I get judged for every fucking thing I do. If I get in a fight with a friend, everyone fucking expects me to drop my friendship with them, and if I don't, I'm "two-faced". It's called "forgiveness". Even my own friends talk about me. I almost can't tolerate my friends from there anymore either. Cordova is becoming a smaller and smaller part of my life, along with everyone in it. I go there simply because I am required by law. No other reason anymore. After this year.. these last 80 some odd days.. I'm never fucking going into that school again unless it's to say "FUCK YOU ALL, I'M DONE WITH YOU. GOING TO LIVE A GOOD, HONEST LIFE, WITH GOOD, HONEST PEOPLE." The SECOND I get enough money to move I'm moving. Out of Cordova. I abhor this place, I abhor the school, I despise most of the people. People say I only feel this way because my boyfriend lives in Collierville. Even if he didn't, I would. Because it's calmer. Safer. And nicer looking. Nicer people. Every memory [almost] that I have in this town is full of hell, shit, and drama. I've been constantly judged here and I never fit in. But no more. I'm done lying to my friends just so they won't get mad at me. I want friends who accept the fucking shit I do. Because everything I do, I have a reason for. No one knows the bullshit I've been through.
To all you fuckers at Cordova:
I'm going to rise above you. Fuck you all and your close-minded ways. I'll never forget you.. but that's a good thing. Now I know the WRONG ways to act. You all act like I'm the fucking devil for smoking sometimes. But guess what? At least I don't fucking talk shit about someone, then pretend to like them, at least I own up to my shit, at least I don't test my friends, at least I can accept one for who one is.
Fuck. You. All. Your shitty attitudes ruined my life, and I wish you all a wonderful fucking life. :) Now you know why I hate you, Cordova High School.
BURN IN HELL.
Love forever and ever,
Amy
