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I'm Amy. I'm growing up. And this is my past, present, and future.
I know you'll come in the night like a thief.
But I’ve had some time alone to hone my lying technique.
I know you think that I’m someone you can trust.
But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear I’ll try to nail you back up.
So do you think that we could work out a psalm?
So I’ll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try.
I know you'll come for the people like me.
But we all got wood and nails,
And talk dirt at hating factories.
profile
My name is Amy. I'm a Gemini. I'm 25 years old. I'm a struggling artist, and an overly opinionated martyr of my beliefs. My past experiences, no matter how petty or dramatic they were, molded me into who I am today. I'm still changing every day.
I'm an artist. I love to draw and make things in photoshop [such as this blogger layout]. I also love music; I dabble in piano a little bit. I only know how to play other songs, of course. Nothing original. I like to write as well. Pretty much anything that involves the arts is something I enjoy doing. It gets me through the day and gives me a chance to express myself.
I have many friends who have come and gone, some who are even enemies now. Regardless, they've taught me a lot. I've learned to be more humble, tolerant, and kind, but also I've learned things like never to trust anyone completely off the bat, and to usually expect the worst. I'm generally pretty pessimistic and I think irrationally, but that's a nasty habit I'm trying to break. My intentions are good. That's something I must always remind myself and everyone else of. I have anxiety but I'm learning to control it better every day. This time a year ago it was impossible for me to socialize, but nowadays it's easier. Time mends everything.
I'm not really good at these self-describing things anymore. If you want to know me, ask me yourself. :3
Monday, January 3, 2011, 8:14 PM
I need to stop neglecting you, Blogger.
I've become nostalgic lately, so I've explored my past. I decided to make a post about people I wish I could say things to, but can't.
Ryan
You told me, "I hope your life is hell." You hated me for lying to you, I never understood why until I was lied to myself. Even though I was 12, I lied about being 16, you were 17, I guess I can understand your anger, that must be an awkward position to be in. When I was in Illinois I wondered if we'd cross paths. We used to say we'd meet, fall in love, and be blissful together for along time. How stupid I was. And how stupid you were for believing me, and always listening to your mom even though you were practically a grown man. After all, you never would have dumped me if your mommy didn't tell you to. What kind of guy runs to his mom saying, "I have an online girlfriend!! l0l!!!" Anyways. I wish I could blow up all the crap I've gone through since you wished eternal misery on me, which, you got your wish, I finally got over my depression in 9th grade, but nonetheless, 2 and a half years is a long time to constantly be sad. Screw you, "Optimal". At least you put me through the shit I needed to be who I am now.... dick.
Zachariah
I still call you dead, even though you never existed. Jo took a great, great, GREAT friend from me. I wish she had told me from the start she was faking it. I cared about you a lot, I actually worried about you, cried when you "committed suicide", me and my friends even mourned you. I can't find you anywhere, even though you're really Jo. Which, I can't find her, either. I miss you, Zach, I can't believe you lied about such serious things, but, you'll always be one of my best friends. If only I could find Tommie; he'd tell me where you are, even though you ripped his heart into thousands of pieces. You were funny, smart, a little graphic in your sex talk, but you were awesome. I hope I can speak to you again one day. I wish I could just hear one day, that you really existed. I wish it was all a lie. I love you Zach.
Melissa
I saved you for last. There's a lot of people that don't know about you. There's a lot of people that know you as "Mitchell". I could talk to you if I wanted. Your Facebook is right there, you're right there, I could message you whenever I wanted. I'd message Ryan, or Jo in a heartbeat. But you, I'm scared to message you. I devoted 11 months to you, yet you live in Winnipeg. I gave you hell, I was so ready to tell you everything, let you know everything about me, but you were scared of me. Wary of me. I still don't know if you really cared, or if you were just crazy. My relationship with you was really, really unlike any other I ever had. I cared about you to the point where it was sickening, and you were always gone. I'd talk to you maybe like, 10 minutes a month, and yet we used to talk every second of every day. I always got angry with you. You were a little kooky in the head. You kept my heart pounding at all times and you kept my head racing with questions. You kept me confused. You jumbled me up so much, it took years for me to recover, even after we quit talking. I think I miss you most though, Melmel.
