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I'm Amy. I'm growing up. And this is my past, present, and future.

I know you'll come in the night like a thief.
But I’ve had some time alone to hone my lying technique.
I know you think that I’m someone you can trust.
But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear I’ll try to nail you back up.
So do you think that we could work out a psalm?
So I’ll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try.
I know you'll come for the people like me.
But we all got wood and nails,
And talk dirt at hating factories.

My name is Amy. I'm a Gemini. I'm 25 years old. I'm a struggling artist, and an overly opinionated martyr of my beliefs. My past experiences, no matter how petty or dramatic they were, molded me into who I am today. I'm still changing every day.



I'm an artist. I love to draw and make things in photoshop [such as this blogger layout]. I also love music; I dabble in piano a little bit. I only know how to play other songs, of course. Nothing original. I like to write as well. Pretty much anything that involves the arts is something I enjoy doing. It gets me through the day and gives me a chance to express myself.



I have many friends who have come and gone, some who are even enemies now. Regardless, they've taught me a lot. I've learned to be more humble, tolerant, and kind, but also I've learned things like never to trust anyone completely off the bat, and to usually expect the worst. I'm generally pretty pessimistic and I think irrationally, but that's a nasty habit I'm trying to break. My intentions are good. That's something I must always remind myself and everyone else of. I have anxiety but I'm learning to control it better every day. This time a year ago it was impossible for me to socialize, but nowadays it's easier. Time mends everything.



I'm not really good at these self-describing things anymore. If you want to know me, ask me yourself. :3

I hate routine.

And it's all my life has had lately.


Since I started the 10th grade, my life has hit the biggest downpoint I've ever had. I don't talk to anyone online cause I'm always asleep or watching TV. I talk to my boyfriend on the phone but not much. I text, but I'm getting bored of that too because I always text the same people. I don't even draw hardly ever anymore. I don't see anyone. I go to school all week, do the same exact thing in every class every day, and then at the end of the week, I see Bo, spend a day alone, then repeat. I see Bo more than I see my friends [outside of school that is]. And I see Bo once a week. That's sad. Why don't my friends want anything to do with me?


I need a car, I need to drive, I need to get out of here. Sitting here constantly revolving my life around things that haven't even happened yet isn't a very good way to live as a teenager. My life is SO boring right now. and now, Bo isn't even gonna call me I think -_- Wonderful.


Nothing else to write about really....
I just read an article, on social rejection.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20100202/sc_livescience/studiesrevealwhykidsgetbulliedandrejected

It made me think about what I've been going through since I started middle school, which was a good 5 years ago, and when people started learning how to judge, pick, and reject.

I never did anything to become a social reject. But I'm sortof one. All of these people at school, treat me like I'm their BFFL and hug me and say hi to me. But they want nothing to do with me outside of school. Even those CLOSEST to me, want absolutely nothing to do with me. I don't understand. I've gone through pain and suffering and fights and arguing with my family to maintain the friends I have and the people I'm with and they take me for granted because they know I'm weak, and will do anything to keep them around, even believe their lies. [this isn't directed to anyone specific btw.] You all judge me because I'm "quiet", and "reserved", and "sweet", and "innocent". Ever since 5th grade people have treated me like a person who's gonna shoot everyone. "You always look sad." "Why don't you ever talk?"

ONE:
My natural face, looks sad. I have big eyes, and natural bags under my eyes [which have been made fun of for the longest.] My mouth curves down and I have a long face. I ALWAYS LOOK SAD. That's how I was born, that's how I will remain. So get the fuck over it.

TWO:
I don't talk because of the way everyone acts when I do. They think I'm weird, they think I'm odd, too hyper, just because I speak my mind. So I don't talk unless someone talks to me first. Also, I am EXTREMELY SHY. ALWAYS HAVE BEEN. I'm not a fucking emo depressed fuck who's gonna start a school shooting. So, please quit thinking so.

I've had a nice group of close friends for the past few years. Even THEY don't talk to me a lot anymore, because I'm not fitting society's form of "beauty" today.
Is it all really about looks?

At school:

I'm not a rainbow-haired, gore loving, hyper as fuck, weaboo shitface who piles on eyeliner, disobeys dress code, humps everything, wears perfect clothes, doesn't have huge tits or ass, is a "stick", doesn't have black or fucking aqua hair, so I'm automatically forbidden to talk to most of you?
ROFL.
I think it's funny, all the scene fucks or stuck up assholes who reject me or avoid me just because I "make them look bad" because I'm not a scene poser.
I'm not scene, emo, prep, or any of that shit.
I am fucking ME.
I am a stick. I eat like a pig. I'm not gorgeous. I have no tits or ass. I'm not a scene fuck. I'm not pretty. I have a weird as shit personality. I am quiet. I am reserved. I'm not perfect. I think a lot. But guess what?
I have the dick enough to be ME, instead of something everyone else wants to be me.
If you wanna reject me just because I have more balls than you do, feel free to do so, in the end I'll be the one amounting to more and you'll be society's bitch and you'll be STUCK THERE, striving to amount what people want you to be.

So, shove it. Plz.

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