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welcome
I'm Amy. I'm growing up. And this is my past, present, and future.
I know you'll come in the night like a thief.
But I’ve had some time alone to hone my lying technique.
I know you think that I’m someone you can trust.
But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear I’ll try to nail you back up.
So do you think that we could work out a psalm?
So I’ll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try.
I know you'll come for the people like me.
But we all got wood and nails,
And talk dirt at hating factories.
profile
My name is Amy. I'm a Gemini. I'm 25 years old. I'm a struggling artist, and an overly opinionated martyr of my beliefs. My past experiences, no matter how petty or dramatic they were, molded me into who I am today. I'm still changing every day.
I'm an artist. I love to draw and make things in photoshop [such as this blogger layout]. I also love music; I dabble in piano a little bit. I only know how to play other songs, of course. Nothing original. I like to write as well. Pretty much anything that involves the arts is something I enjoy doing. It gets me through the day and gives me a chance to express myself.
I have many friends who have come and gone, some who are even enemies now. Regardless, they've taught me a lot. I've learned to be more humble, tolerant, and kind, but also I've learned things like never to trust anyone completely off the bat, and to usually expect the worst. I'm generally pretty pessimistic and I think irrationally, but that's a nasty habit I'm trying to break. My intentions are good. That's something I must always remind myself and everyone else of. I have anxiety but I'm learning to control it better every day. This time a year ago it was impossible for me to socialize, but nowadays it's easier. Time mends everything.
I'm not really good at these self-describing things anymore. If you want to know me, ask me yourself. :3
Tuesday, January 19, 2010, 7:45 PM
contentment
Over the past couple of weeks since I've written I've done a lot and yet so little at the same time. I've been feeling weird, like I'm changing. I'm not happy with a lot in my life and yet I feel like I have a lot locked in and set. I'm not going to get my hopes on and get my heart set just quite yet though. I still have a pretty long ways to go after all. Hoping for so long will only make it worse if they get crushed.
I've been thinking back a lot and I've been able to see from other people's shoes more easily. I've actually been having long, deep conversations with my boyfriend which I haven't been able to do in a long time. He's actually warming up to me and I'm so happy.
.... *knock on wood* lol (:
People whom I never want to see again have been apologizing to me. AKA my ex boyfriend. I don't really like it. I don't like getting apologizes long after I've decided I'll never forgive them. It makes me feel terrible and just annoys me. It's a waste of time and thought. I don't like having to argue points with people when I've argued that same point countless times. Honestly. When is everyone going to leave me alone about him? Seriously. I'm tired of hearing about him, I'm tired of hearing his name. And now he's saying if I ever need to leave I can stay at his house. HAHAHA. In his dreams.
I've argued with people a lot lately. I've been in a really weird state of mind but at the same time I've been really content. Like, I haven't really had anything to be scared of or worried about. Just things to be annoyed at I guess. It's good to just be going along smoothly with everything for once, despite how boring it's been getting lately. I miss hanging out with my friends, a lot. But half of them are grounded XD
I went to Nashville with Bo a couple of weekends ago. It was really cold, and snowing, and I had a pretty good time. I stayed at his house for awhile afterwards, and we watched A Knight's Tale. His mom actually likes me now. It makes me ecstatic that we finally got past all of the pointless hatred and awkwardness. We went to Incredible Pizza for my niece's 6th birthday party this past Saturday, and I swear his mom and my parents talked for hours. I love it. I'm glad that obstacle in my life is out of the way.
.... *knock on wood again* XD
Bo might be going to Job Corps. I'm kind of worried. I hope the distance won't affect us at all. He says it won't, but he's still worried about it. Meh. Paranoia, gets the best of us all. Especially me. lmao.
I'd totally go to Job Corps, but they don't have an art program. They pay you like 40 or 50 dollars every two weeks, and when you graduate they pay you $1200. It's INSANE! It's like working and learning all at the same time. And you have dorm rooms too! It's like college for high school students XD My parents wouldn't go for it though. I guess I'm stuck at Cordova Shithole until I graduate. T___T A sad day for me. haha.
Anyways I guess that's all. Catchyelater. <3
