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I'm Amy. I'm growing up. And this is my past, present, and future.

I know you'll come in the night like a thief.
But I’ve had some time alone to hone my lying technique.
I know you think that I’m someone you can trust.
But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear I’ll try to nail you back up.
So do you think that we could work out a psalm?
So I’ll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try.
I know you'll come for the people like me.
But we all got wood and nails,
And talk dirt at hating factories.

My name is Amy. I'm a Gemini. I'm 25 years old. I'm a struggling artist, and an overly opinionated martyr of my beliefs. My past experiences, no matter how petty or dramatic they were, molded me into who I am today. I'm still changing every day.



I'm an artist. I love to draw and make things in photoshop [such as this blogger layout]. I also love music; I dabble in piano a little bit. I only know how to play other songs, of course. Nothing original. I like to write as well. Pretty much anything that involves the arts is something I enjoy doing. It gets me through the day and gives me a chance to express myself.



I have many friends who have come and gone, some who are even enemies now. Regardless, they've taught me a lot. I've learned to be more humble, tolerant, and kind, but also I've learned things like never to trust anyone completely off the bat, and to usually expect the worst. I'm generally pretty pessimistic and I think irrationally, but that's a nasty habit I'm trying to break. My intentions are good. That's something I must always remind myself and everyone else of. I have anxiety but I'm learning to control it better every day. This time a year ago it was impossible for me to socialize, but nowadays it's easier. Time mends everything.



I'm not really good at these self-describing things anymore. If you want to know me, ask me yourself. :3

today the person I thought was least likely to help me, helped me. It was nice to have someone else say something for once instead of me doing it all myself. Maybe I took all the people over there the wrong way. Maybe they really do see good in us, and maybe they really are looking out to keep us strong as possible.
If you don't understand what I'm talking about... good. you're not supposed to. (:

I just feel weird lately. I'm not going to brag about being happy, and I'm not going to complain about being sad. I'm trying to let things restore to the way they were. So I'm just not going to say anything about anything at all. I am going to say, though, that I hope this weekend will be as fun as I'm planning on it being. I could really use a good time for once this school year. lol.

Isn't it funny how old things will bother the hell out of you? Like, my ex boyfriend, he pays so much attention to his new girlfriend, not anything like he did with me. I don't understand. I dealt with his shit for 11 months, only to find out I meant nothing? I really hate that. I went through so much with him and his family, and they kinda don't care anymore. whatever. I don't care. He'll regret the way he treated me one day. I just kindof hate how much it makes me mad, especially when I see her in the hallways, I'm just like, ugg, why do you get the treatment I wanted so badly and you don't even have to try?
I don't like him anymore. Hell no. I just really hate that it meant nothing to him, just because something silly happened. That also pisses me off, people were telling me today that I still liked him. Just... ew.
I am quite nostalgic of his family, however. I miss them so, so, so, so much. I miss my second mom and my second sisters and my whole entire second family. I love them and I'm sorry if I made them mad.

Anyways, enough of the depressing stuff. I will get by this fall and winter fine, hopefully. No more nostalgia. I just need to have fun.
I am exhausted, and am going to go to bed. Night.

toodles

♥ ameh





called hope. I was laying here crying my eyes out for no reason. Then I went to sleep. I didn't dream at all. Didn't have any strange epiphany or anything. but when I woke up, I went to eat, drink, and just sat here. I talked to an old friend, who has been there for me even when I didn't tell him what was wrong. And there was a tone in my boyfriend's voice that things will be normal again soon. I can't explain it. But the way I feel right now, is a way I haven't felt since I was a kid.

To put it simply. Despite all the shit that goes on in my life. all the worry, home life, loneliness, doubt. I'm alive. and thriving. That's the greatest thing I can get right now. Everyone else should feel the same way.
Oh wow. I sound corny.

Anyways. I spent most of my day sleeping today. or playing Wind Waker. I'm really tired even though I've been up for only 3 hours. I think I can finally sleep, with nothing on my heart. It probably won't last long though, so I'm not going to brag. haha. Tomorrow is a B day. Ugh. I HATE my B days. No friends in lunch, study hall, ENGLISH WITH MRS. WOOD OH GOD--

...................
I FORGOT TO DO MY EXHIBITION WORK FOR MRS. WOOD OSHIIII-
T______T
My partners are going to kill me. lol.

Anyways, I'm tired, I'm gonna chug me some Gatorade and go to bed.

peace

♥ ameh

I usually don't get up until 6:30. I'll lay in my bed pretending to be awake [but actually being kinda asleep] then get up once I heard the Pokemon theme song lawl. fail. I'm gonna be tired now. D:

MTAC is in 6 months! BLAH! I can't wait! <3333 My escape from everything. my funtime. my love <3333 I was so happy there last year. Like so so so so so happy, despite that Patrick would call me going "YOU'RE CHEATING! I HEAR A LOT OF GUYS" [oh... I'm at a con that has THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE, PATRICK =____=]
Heeeeee ^-^ Ok. Excitement spasm over.
mm I hate school <3 but at least it's an A day. I like my A days. except Spanish. It's boring. I do not like my B days. bleh..... I had a lot of friends in all my classes last year, but this year I only have friends in a few of my classes, and the rest are just poopy boring. :c and Patrick had a party yesterday.... lol.... I miss those parties.

ANYWAYS. I'm getting nostalgic again. so I need to go. plus. Pokemon is on. TIME TO GET READAY 8D

peace bruh

♥ amy

September, October, November and December, these are the times of year I start getting really nostalgic. They're really good points in my life. This time last year, I was with my ex boyfriend, who treated me like shit, but at that point in my life things were fantastic.

We'd always run to Walgreens and get food to eat when we got back while we watched movies, or we'd go to Shnucks just to be somewhere. We had parties a lot, he lived up the street from me. They were sober parties of course [sometimes... his friends were potheads] and they were just fantastic. We would stay up all night, playing XBOX 360 back and forth, making a buncha Mexican food, going out in the snow at 3 AM, I just miss it. I don't miss him, but I miss having fun, and being out of this hell hole of a house all the time. His mom loved me, I'd always go up there at dinner time and just sit with them, watching them make jokes and stuff.... I was there during the best times, and during the worst times. We'd watch movies with our friends real late at night, even on school nights. It was just great having somewhere to go. It really sucks sitting at home all the time again.

Ok, enough of my rambling. This weekend was really boring. I was supposed to hang out with my boyfriend, or with Cheltzie. but I couldn't. I'm hopefully gonna hang out with Bo today, but I really doubt it. If he hasn't called by now, his mom isn't going to let him, unless he's still asleep. Bleh. And after this, I can't see him for 2 weeks, cause he's going to Sweetwater next weekend, and we can never see each other on school days. Bleh.

Well, I'm gonna go hop in the shower, and hope to God I can do something today.

toodles

♥ ameh

It's like 3 PM, and I've been working on this new layout since like 1. I'm finally done. XD Wooow. hahaha. I had to re-do the coding a lot, but strangely, it was fun. I might do this more often, for people or something. O:
I've been looking back on old music I used to listen to, and wow, that stuff is so nostalgic. XD The song playing on my profile now is "Battleships" by Travis, and I haven't listened to it since like, 2006 or 2007. I really love nostalgia sometimes, though, unless it's about something you've lost.
So, people really confuse me. Me and my boyfriend had been drifting apart for like a few weeks now, and we actually had a decent conversation on the phone last night without complete silence, and now he's like doting on me. It's really weird. I wish people weren't so indecisive about their feelings all the time. @___@ But, I'm happy now.... for once.... *knock on wood* don't wanna jinx that.... <.<
I'm gonna call Cheltzie, and see if we can hang out! 8D! HAPPYFACE!
I want another zebra cake.... O:

toodles

♥ ameh

GAH. I just got done uploading a video to YouTube, it took like 2 hours, and it got rejected for being 19 minutes long. I thought directors could upload videos longer than 10 minutes? =____= how annoying.
So, I've basically been spending my school year doing nothing so far. Usually I see my boyfriend on weekends. But I don't think he really cares about me anymore. I hate my school. It's so contradictory. hahaha. I wish I could go to a school where all my friends are. I'd be a lot happier.
I don't really have much to say. My life isn't very eventful. I'll post something more later, I'm busy trying to convert this .mov file right now. Lol.

Peace,

♥ ameh

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